The Diary of a Young Man

I missed my mother so much and I forgot to greet her last October 10. It has been 5 long years? of not holding her hands and hugging her. She is my friend, supporter and my disciplinarian. I enjoyed talking to her jokes and my experiences everyday. I guess it will be another 2 years before I see her but this time I am more responsible.

Mama, I love you! I miss a lot. Your presence means so much to my life. God, guide her everyday and may you give her all possible strength and wisdom a man can possess.

Mama, if you can read this, I hope you’re safe and emotionally touched. I will be a good son and a provider someday. I will let you know that I am doing excellent here in the hands of my friends, family and special someone. You will meet her someday and I hope you’ll accept her just like you accepted my faults and successes.

I love you Mama!

Take Care

I had been in a state of dilemma in the past 6 mnonths of my life. I am battling againstv hyperhidrosis and depression. Everything must be fought clean hands. I tried several things everyday to deferat this plague over coming my body. I tried to beat it up. I felt that I was full of everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. It seems like my life is turning up side down. I cannot do anything that I liked before. Most of my joyous moments were increasingly diminished as depression and hyperhidrosis progresses. It seems that I am trapped in a cage full of dark walls and memories that I like to escape. I want to do somethjing better in my life but my hyperhidrosis prevents me from doing things I may like. I was living a closely ideal life for my prevention of hyperhidrosis in the house but in exchange was the restlessness feeling then depression. I was extremely feeling bad in several areas of daily living.  I want to end it all.

I want to live the rest of my life hyperhidrosis free and depression away. I want to have a beautiful life with my family, my special someone and friends. I don’t want hyperhidrosis and depression hinder me to achieve my successes in life. I am tired of this. I am tired of being careful for my actions and then let the good things passes by. I had been simple, isolated and unsocial. My weakness became evident and my strength set aside. I wish I hgave no mood disorder and sweating regulation problems. I am not comfortabvle at this moment for sweat drips from my scalp. I had said excuses and explain the rationale of my problems but I guess few cared.

I had been smiling to hide all the uncertainty and discrimination away. Even sadness I tried to hide but as I repeatedly do this, it became harder. I am in our 34 degrees celsius house and my shirt are close to damp wet. I want to hold the Earth on my bare hands and change the imperfections this world can offer to me and even my self.

I am not happy about my self but most people say that I can do it. One thing for them I can say is, it is easy for them to say and accomplish actions to not fall from this condition. I had 2 health poblems that I had to live every day of my life, in the philippines and in my home. This started to take effeft in the relationship towards my friends, classmates, family and my special someone. Even if that special someone did not care for these problems and loved me for my best and worst, I can feel the pain to live witb these conditions everyday of my life.

Love me! without condition and I will love you also. God, I pray to you to cast all the pain and depression these health problems had caused in me. Let me learn to be thrifty towards the money I have on my pocket and let me use them wisely. I love my family especially my special someone, guide them to happiness that I missed before and let them continue to love me without condition. Life will be less meaningful without them. I turn to you, God. I know nothing is impossible for you.

God help me!

I had a very boring review day. I had been very occupied with it in the morning. It rained but it did not rained that long. I am very happy that I shared the happiness of my friend when we meet. I cannot expound on this so much but I did care and extremely enjoyed it.

I woke up at 4am. We will be having our last duty in the 6th floor front. I was assigned to 2 female patients. I done everything to be done at the en of the shift. I was happy that everything was in place.

I will miss everything that had happened in the 6th floor duty rotation.

I woke up at 4am and I eate poorly. I got on duty almost empty stomach and I can feel the hunger already. Its good that I’d eaten meal on an early break. I had a lighht duty because I was still assigned to one baby which do not have any problems. I done baby bath at 10am and closed my chart at 12 noon. I did not take my lunch since I was still full. We did not have a quiz but we will have one tomorrow. We were dismissed at 2:05pm.

When I got down, I stayed with Arra to get Leslie’s medical certificate and individual case study. I got my promissory note at 3pm. I left school with Ian and Jezel. I can feel love is in the air. Anyway, I got home at 5pm. I started doing my printing on my individual cae study. I spend 170 pesos for that alone. I was annoyed when I had several errors in punching that made me print again some pages. I was done at 7pm. I ate my dinner and it was ok. I had a bit hyperacidity but it did not matter anyway.

I will sleep at 10:30pm

Good night

I wake up at 4am. I left home and reached school at 5:30am. Everyone was surprised seeing me with braces. They wonder how difficult do I carry my braces. We started our duty at 6am. I had a comfortable duty due to handling a single baby for the day. I bathe the baby very well as well as gaving him a cord care. He is a behaved baby from bathing to cord care. I had difficulty eating the food I bought for both breakfast and lunch. I ordered a two cup of rice per meal time with 2 side dishes which are partially hard to chew. I managed to eat both without damaging my brackets. We were dismissed at 2pm with a promise from Mam Dacuno that we’ll have a quiz tomorrow. I am not worried for the outcome of the quiz tomorrow since it occupies 5% of the total grade for duty. I am more worried for my tuition fee this finals.

My tuition fee costs 14,000 pesos maximum and my mother will send that amount on this sunday which is 2 days before exams. The sad part is it’s still uncertain whether my mom will produce that amount of money on sunday. I had already no money to spend since I paid the downpayment for my braces. My father do not know anyone who can lend us 14,000. We are hoping for the best. I attempted to call my mother abroad but she cannot be reached. I decided to have an excuse note for me to have my final exams next week. I really hope my mother will produce that money or I will be sucked into depression.

I had done my part doing the powerpoint presentation for the ward class. I sent all the files to Kai to save in her USB. I thank her a lot. I also send my final individual case study on my yahoo account as well as on my CD as back up. I will be sleeping at 9:30pm and wake for the duty at 4am tomorrow. Wish me luck and the best of health.

Good night!

I woke up at around 6am. My father woke me up because he knows that I will be having braces today. I immediately prepared my self for the brace placement. I take a bath quickly and ate my last full meal without braces. My father gave me the money for the commute as well as other expenses. I left home at 8am. I reached the dentist at 9am. The brace placement started at 10am. The doctor who placed the braces is none other than, Dr. Jowel Bermudez. He is a good orthodontist. He placed my braces without any further difficulty. He explained to me the process of my teeth alignment, what to eat and not. I enjoyed his company for the 2 hours brace placement. I chose gray as my color. I chose gray because that color is the closest color availbale to my teeth color which is white. The brace placement ended at 12 noon.

I had a short conversation with his mother and also hm self about glutathione. He is a graduate from University of the East. I left the clinic with my new braces UP and DOWN at 12:15pm. I reached home at 1pm. I had suffered quite a few diuscomforts because of teeth adjustments. I ate my lunch very difficult because it is pork. I had my tooth brush after it and it is still difficult to remove entirely the dirt and residues from lunch.

Anyway, I did my  group case study contribution polishing at 4pm and was done at 4:45pm. I also made my final edit on the pamphlet for health teaching tomorrow. I guess I complied to all the Mr. Briones’ suggestions to my work.

I am completely done with everything that must be done at 6pm. I am currently waiting for a miracle for that special someone to buxzz me in the internet. I do not when but I am willing to wait.

I will be earing noodles at 8pm. I mean  ALOT OF noodles and a bit of begetables. I decide to sleep at 9pm. We will be haing our last week for the 6th floor rotation. I will going to miss Mam Dacuno after the rotation.

Good night!