The Diary of a Young Man

Happiness is a feeling of great excitement and comfort according to my own definition. Happiness is rarely seen in depressive people and those who cannot see positive things from an event. Happiness is synonymous to joy and optimism. It is definitely a word we experience everyday for emotionally stable people.

I didn’t feel complete happiness from doing simple things before. I was like doing things because it is needed. I was like that for 2 years in my high school years and only cared for the end of my means. I was a happy go lucky guy in 4th year high school and never cared for what other people think about me. I was not vain, not physically fit and not demanding.

I only learned my definition of happiness through experience. It has been difficult for me because I entertain depressive thoughts during 1st year college. I was like that being a pathetic  thinking more of sadness than happiness. I gained good friends in college and they were genuine. I gained confidence to find my happiness in playing computer games. I get bored with it and lost interest. I switched in reading books and books had been part of my life. It brought me all emotions that men will lived. It is still not working. I was reading and learning but emotional development won’t progress. I turned down reading sad themed books and turned to comedies. I laughed and smiled but it brought me temporary happiness. It is on my 3rd year I discovered true happiness.

The Happiest thing you’ll ever know…

On the evening of August 19, 2008, I was in front of my computer browsing forums that I seen a topic concerning about finding happiness. I clicked on that link and directed me to another forum. I did not join that forum but read real life stories who find happiness and tragedy at different times. There was a post that goes with finding happiness in learning to give more time to your self to grow. I read the 2 paged post with teary eyes. I cannot imagine he experienced being abused by peers around him physically and verbally. He was depressive and suicidal at age 17. His classmates chose not to do anything good with him. He was living in a world he described, "A painful, shadowy world drowning in an ocean of tears with an irreversible past." In the end he find happiness by proving them wrong. He studied very well more than his body can handle to reach his goal to be a psychiatric doctor. He find happiness in doing the thing he likes most while concentrating in a realistic goal. He graduated as a doctor and pursue a career as a psychiatrist. He is now a wealthy 38 year old man. He hugged his past and forgiving people who hurt him so badly. He said in his last paragraph in the post that "the happiest thing you’ll ever know is reaching your ultimate dreams. Master the environment around you and possess every beauty of actions you failed to see to others. If you fail and drop unexpectedly, don’t be afraid to stand up alone. The world is not always fair. Get up and beat the obstacles along the way. True happiness is not easy to achieve because actions can direct different emotions. Live your life to the fullest and someday on your death bed you shall not regret every step you made to reach this far.

I was seriously touched. We have a lot in common. It is just up to me on how will I live my life to the fullest. I am doing simple steps to complex ones to accomplish initial goals. In this point of life, I am proud achieving things I felt difficult to achieve.  I love my family so much. Words cannot bring perfect justice on how I love them today. I had done a lot of foolish things lately and it takes only self realization to correct errors before it becomes worst.

Happiness is an endless search which some people are willing to die unselfishly to feel it.

Good day ^_^

I woke up at 8am. I was ready for the quiz in pathophysiology. I need to maintain my grades to be a dean’s lister that’s why I need to be prepared. I looked at my hand outs and tried to recall terminologies, signs and symptoms of each respiratory diseases and I did recall. It was a stormy morning and still classes are present in the morning. I must admit that I was a bit nervous for the quiz due to the fact it is situational and it do not rely more on memory retention. It was 10:30am, I started to take a bath and after that I ate my lunch. I finished preparing for school at 11:30am when I listened to a flash report in ABS-CBN announcing a suspension of classes to all levels private or public.

I was happy with the news. I changed my uniform to a home fitted shirt and pants. It was cold in the afternoon and my attire fits me well. I was i front of the computer for the fiurst 2hours after announcement. I looked for sites that may inspire me to do something creative.

I received text messegaes of happiness from my classmates. Some are dismayed because they are already in school when they got the news. I remembered we will be having a quiz in our Bangkal lying in duty for tomorrow as well as the submission of concept map and nursing care plans. I do the concept map and nursing care plans first at 1pm. I finished at 2pm and started reviewing on our quiz for tomorrow. It took me 2 hours to finish the review. It was a bit warm when I’d finished. Everything was going good after the review. I listened to my favorite songs and then just sit and watch the television.

It was a fair day for me and everything that happened to day has its purpose. We didn’t expect this day to be good for others and bad for some. The best thing that this day can give to me is a good rest and a satisfaction that I had done my part for tomorrow. This is a day of surprises and unexpected rests.

Be positive and everything will be ok.
Good night!

I thought my life would be the same black in white i imagined when I was a kid. It was more than that. I looked at my life before and it was full of playing safe routines. I rarely take the risky route. When I was young at about 7 years old, I remember drawing our malunggay in the graden. I fascinate about nature. I am really impressed with the color combinations I see in our garden but that was before. I was introduced at the age 10 to a chaotic and painful world in grade school. I was bullied mostly but remain smiling. I was like a wearing a smiling mask when bullied physically by classmates. I discovered strength and happiness in reading books mostly about horror and love. In High school, I remember in 1st year I was  a book nerd. I had consumed 3 library cards and read almost every book in greek and roman mythology. I was fascinated about the characters there and loved the love story of psyche and cupid.

I reached 2nd year, I had the best friends in the world. They mean all the world to me that time. I was innocent about love more than friends. I had once said to my self I would never marry. I occupy my available time reading novels, fables, mystery books. I had been a president in our book lover’s club.. (i guess?) In 3rd year, I was still the guy everyone perceived as nice during 2nd year. I am very frail at sports and hated Physical education classes. I was very thin and very unpopular in my age group. I never wear colorful clothes and costful ones. My motto that time was, simplicity is handsome ^_^

By 4th year, I encountered a tragic realization and that was ligbing my life like this forever always expected. I still never looked at the possibility of change.

In college, a lot changed. I made my self stronger and never cry. I did cried when my mom left abroad. I felt I have nothing to go to when I’m in trouble. The world turned tits back on me when I made ridiculous and unimaginative decisions. I felt pain and agony with the belief I do not have someone to run to.

In school, I am lively, happy and outgoing with a smile that shatters the uncertainty inside. I am sensitive but I set to a good limit.

When I met my special someone, the world changed. The sun shined in my cloudy day. My desire to do more improved. I became the dean’s lister for 2nd year because of that person. Now, I am afraid to lose everything I have. I feel very weird because at this age 18 I learned to love unselfishly. I was a bit selfish before. I am willing to surrender everything for that person. Anyway, I learned it was too much. I have to love my self and family more. I really lacked the time to love my self. I started taking advices from my friends and they said good answers. Starting over is not easy but its a beginnning of every better actions. I became more serious in my studies and never argue with my father. I appreciated every simple things my friends had done to me. I missed Karen Palma, a friend in 2nd year. She was the ideal best friend I could ever have. She is like a mother to me. I have to let go of things that is too much for things that needs an addition. I now let go of things perceived as bad.

As I woke up in the morning, I would be Mr. Corro - the man who conquered it all. ^_^

It was early in the morning I rise from bed. 7am was the time when I started eating my breakfast. I felt sad eating my breakfast because I strongly believe it would be a boring day today. After eating my breakfast, I took my bath and went straight to using the internet. I had browse websites that would entertain me but none did well. I had switched on playing love songs on youtube.com and it entertained me for a very long time.

I played Barbara Streisand and Bryan Adam’s I finally found someone and it was excellent. I take into heart the meaning of the song. It made me realize how fortunate am I to find love in this chaotic country. I sang it from the heart even though my voice is not perfect in bringing justice to the song. I also found "Have you ever really loved a woman by Bryan Adams" in youtube. I played it and was surprised how it grabbed my attention. The song is flawless and his voice was powerful. I included that song in my favorite list. I enjoyed singing that song as well. The song’s meaning was good. I played, "I want to spend my lifetime loving you by Tina Arena and Marc Anthony" and it was marvelous. I listened to the 3 songs feeling its meaning in my heart. I know it is temporary for those songs to comfort my missing heart but I appreciated it very well.

I started reviewing for the quizzes at 11am. I was very busy mastering most of the topics. It was rewarding finishing reviewing N201 - Dr Bautista’s subject at 3pm. At 3:10pm, I ate my snack and after that I turned to start my review for N201: Well baby for Mam Celiz. I finished reviewing at 4pm. I had to face one of the hardest subjects in 3rd year, Pathophysiology with Dr. Alfonso. I started reviewing for our estimated 50 items quiz last week but the 2nd review would include the other parts I failed to review. The 2nd review for Pathophysiology started at 4:10pm. It was consisting 110 slides more. I have no enough time memorizing all the terminolgies on my hand outs that’s why I have no choice but to understand most of the terminolgies and definitions.  It was a situational and modified true or false quiz according to Dr. Alfonso and it will be best to understand more than to memorize without understanding most of the points memorized. I finished reviewing at 8:00pm.

The rest of the time was used browsing the internet with nothing interesting to do. I had visited seversal sites but my mind was not stimulated. I visited a forum and was angered by a post there which talks about love and hating it. I still listened to the songs that made me think of love. I was floating on ai when I hear the 3 songs I mentioned in the 2nd paragraph of this post. The harmony, meaning of the lyrics and the voice of the singers are factors for a good song for me. I wonder if there will be a good song these days that will match the good qualities of the songs I mentioned before. I am here typing waiting for something beautiful to happen. I had done my part and now I am here looking at my monitor.

I wish I can talk to someone who would just listen.
Good night!

I wake up at an early 7am. It was a pleasant day and no classes up to monday. I anticipate a wonderful day spending my time doing internet things. I used my computer from 8am and was occupied using it. I have been online for around 8am to an expected 11pm. I was thinking of something useful to do this day. I had tried playing visual game boy advance emulator games but got bored after 30 minutes. I commonly browse my friendster account and think of ways to improve it. I was contented of its present look even it was last updated 2 weeks ago. Anyway, I had eaten ham and 2 hotdogs at lunch and also 3 cups of rice. I felt a bit happy in my present state. I am a healthy young adult man and studying steadily with grades soaring to my expectations. It was kind of boring and tiring doing the same things everyday but I learned to get used to it. It was a cloudy day and it did rain a little. It was a bit cold in the living where my computer is placed but I was still sweating moderately.

Speaking of things I forget, I guess it happens for a reason. I need to recall good things in my life to not be depressed. I had an alright emotional status with friends guiding me to a positive oyutlook in life. I received a phone call from my mom and it did soften my heart. I did listenm to old songs that I thought I will never remember again and also weird conversation lines that made me laugh. It is simple feeling things that you never felt before and I did missed it.

As I wonder, I recall things which made me feel bad and almost torned. I recall experiences that should had never happened. I cannot turn back time and correct things that should be done but I learn from them in a difficult way. I was so regretful that I only matured at this age because I had lost a lot of things which some are important to me. I remembered one time in a contest, a girl was asked if she will change something in her past if she was given a chance. Her answer is no because everything made her a better person even not knowing what are those. It is a difficult statement to say if it comes from the heart. I admit that there are things I will change but I try to put that in my stored memory of pain and agony. I know God let me realize the mistakes I had and love people I hurt before.

This Sunday of August 17, 2008, I will try to bury the memories that pin point my tragic mistakes and try to live my life in a simple beautiful one. People lived and died but still embracing the pains of their mistakes. I don’t want to be like them I want to be me, a man who is strong enough to go beyong the normal to an excellent doing.

May all of you remember things that makes you happy more than those that made you sad.

Good day

I Woke up at 4am. I left home at 5am. I reached school at 5:27am. I was amazed that I was not late and we went to Bangkal and reached there at 6am. There was already a pregnant mother ready for labor. Mangosong’s group readied for the delivery. The rest is inside the room waiting for their turn. I already wore my delivery uniform as well as my group mates. It was a very long delivery for the other team and we were just sitting in the conference room doing almost nothing interesting. After the delivery, Mam arrived inside the conference room for us to have our 1st break at 8:00am. I ate tosilog (Tocino, sinangag and egg). It tasted good and my eating habits were fine as usual.

After eating, Mam talked about her experiences in the Makati Medical Center as a supervisor, a nurse and a friend. It was a nice telling of experience and was fascinated to hear them from mam’s mouth. We were like that up to 11am. I was not paying attention to the time completely because I was anticipating for a dismissal. It was practically a no labor activity for me. Some of my classmates went to Philippine general hospital for our case study. At lunch, we went outside to buy our lunch and I bought 2 cups of rice and a plastic of kare-kare? We ate our lunch in the conference room. Mam De Los Santos is in the midwives’ section eating with them. It was 1:35pm, when we prepared to left the clinic. I copied the chart of my patient at 1:45pm and finished it almost 2pm. We left the clinic by van at 2pm. I was really happy that this day has no quiz to offer. I reached school at 2:15pm and immediately left to return home. I got home at 3pm.

The rest of the time was consumed with exploring the internet and searching familiar forums. I was glad that I had chat with my special someone. I love you! Anyway, I will be sleeping at 12 midnight. I just typed this blog early on because of a belief that I cannot type this blog anymore once the clock striked 12 midnight. Obviously, there are nmo classes tomorrow up to Monday. I was glad it happened.

Have a nice day tomorrow. GOOD NIGHT!

I woke up 4am and depart from home at 5:10am. I reached school by Taxi at 5:28am. We reached Bangkal by a non air-conditioned van. I was really sweating hard inside the van and it was very obvious. At last! we reached Bangkal Lying-in. There was a patient waiting for us already. I anticipate a very busy day. It was 8am when an emergency delivery began. The mother was taken to the clinic by a car and its baby already out of the womb. 2 of my classmates have blood stains after carrying the mother to the delivery table. I was shocked seeing one of my classmates having obvious blood stains on his chest. I really hope he can figure out something to clean the smock gown that was stained most.

The 3rd group, consisting of me, Rose and love joy were called for an incoming birth. We went down and seen Mam Delos Santos interviewing the mother. She gave unaccurate answers on her last menstrual period that’s why we have a questionable Age of gestation and expected date of confinement. By 8:40am, the mother was taken to the delivery table and I was the handle at that point while Rose is the cord care giver and Love joy as the busy assist. The progress of labor began and there was a lot of spills on amniotic fluid scattered on the floor. I received a little portion of the expulsion of the amniotic fluid. It did touched my white pants a little.

The mother began its expulsion stage. I was amazed seeing the baby move out from the uterus. I prepare my self to get the baby and I did. It quickly transferred to the bassinet. I also cut the umbilical cord connecting the placenta and the neonate. I was so lucky to have that experience in Bangkal Lying-in. The mid wife on duty let me try to palpate inside the mother’s uterus. It was soft and I can feel blood gushng on my hands. The placenta was expelled from the uterus and I catched it with the aid of the midwife., I place the placenta inside the yellow plastic bag. It was an achievement that I will never forget. Everything was very fast for me. It occured for abut 30 minutes and I noticed the mother being ok after an hour.

I managed to talk to the mother of some thing and she looks very nice. I went up to the conference room after the delivery and I thought of the beauty of giving birth. My mother did experience a lot of pain and it indeed an eye opener for me. We have our lunch at an earlu time of 10:00am. I did finished at 11:00am. The rest of the time was watching over my classmates. I helped them in taking vital signs lending them a hand to use my paraphernalias.

I suppose to pass the concept map and nursing care plans tomorrow but Mam Delos Santos had changed the date of submission to thursday of next week. I was relieved from the report because I could rest much longer. We depart at Bangkal at 2:15pm. It was the same van that took us to school. Once I got to school, I decided to dine at the ospital’s canteen. I did bought 2 extra rice for my food that wasn’t finioshed on the early lucnh break. I was indulged and immediately got home at 4pm. It was a cloudy afternoon and most of family emmbers were outside.

I am also happy because the pictures in friendster had appeared again. At last, It was almost 5 days? that friendster had failed me. Anyway, I took 10 new personal photos that shows my 10 different side of facial appearances. I felt being a kid again.

The food was prepared late thanks to my brothers and sister. I will have to eat at 9pm and then sleep at 10:30pm. I hope my digestion would be efficient enough. I will be waking at an early 3:30am.

Good night in advance!!!

I woke up at 3:30am. I left home at 5:00am. I rode a taxi with a very friendly driver. When I got to market! market! I remembered by leather white shoes on my home. I returned back and called my father by cell phone for him to bring my white leather shoes on the end of the street. It was 5:15am and I was really nervous and anxious about it. My little brother, Roel brought my shoes by bicycle and was thankful for it. I am still in taxi and I have to beat the clock before our Clinical instructor will mark me absent. It would be a grand vacation if I will miss the 1st day of the community duty. I reached school at 5:35am. Mrs. De los Santos reminded me as late for 5 minutes. I accepted it and I know it is my fault. I am glad that I am not absent.

We left school to go to Bangkal Lying-in clinic by van. I was having a severe anxiety before the ride and i relaxed in the van. I remembered that I left my black umbrella at home. We reached Bangkal lying-in clinic at 6am. We go up to the conference room where we would stay if we have nothing to do for the rest of the week. I was a bit sleepy to count for and hungry at the same time. We indulged by eating snacks that we have. Mrs. De los Santos was a kind clinical instructor and it would be a happy 4 weeks stay with her. She told her past experiences in Makati Medical center as an area manager before and I was wowed from her experiences. She deserves a lot better in this world.

3 of us had handled a normal vaginal delivery which is a blessing for us. The rest of the time was used with nothing to do. I just sat there and converse something I believe interesting to my group mates. I run out of interest and sat there quietly. I waited for the lunch break at 1pm. By 1pm, we went outside for our lunch break. I bought 3 cups of rice and a small plate of giniling. I was really indulged with the meal. Thank God!!!!!!!!!

We left our CHN bags in one of the rooms of the lying-in clinic. We left at 2pm by the same van that took us there. It was really hot inside and I am really sleepy. I have 2 hours of sleep. I immediately left school alone when the van got there. I was happy that it did not rain. I reached home at 3pm. I will spend the rest of my time sitting and searching for interesting stuff in the internet and will be sleeping at 6pm.

GOOD NIGHT!!!

I woke up at 11:10am. I quickly took a bath and prepared my things for school. Friendster had screwed up my pictures and I cannot see almost all my pictures and my friend’s pictures as well. I had done my research and many said that it is really annoying that it happened to them. I felt really bad also. It was very hot afternoon and I’ve got to fix my self for school at 2pm. I reached school at 1:30pm, I immediately go to Mam Garbida for the evaluation. I had a good grade and left in groups.

We started our lesson for pathophysiology at 2pm. Dr. Alfonso cannot come at 1pm on time because of his clinic. I also understand his case. We do not have a quiz for today and dr. Alfonso explained to us that if we will have a quiz for today we will have to review the coverage of the quiz today for the next quiz. It would be a waste of time to repeat what you’ve tackled. We will be having a 60 items quiz the next meeting. Dr. Alfonso explained to us that most of the items in the quiz are situational with a few modified tru or false. I am expecting a very difficult quiz next meeting. During the discussion, Dr. Alfonso is sweating hard because the room is hot even with a working air conditioner. His sweat marks are evident from the axillae and chest. Sweat is dripping from his forehead. We have a break in between the lesson to have a rest for the doctor. During the break, I bought palabok because I’m hungry and Dr. Alfonso bought 3 snacks one after the other. I also received my exam questionnaires in Psychopathophysiology and basing on my mistakes I got 88/100 which in a 50% passing rate would produce a 94% grade, quite satisfying for my standards. We were dimissed at aroung 4pm.

I left school with few of my classmates. I go to market! Market! to buy a long black umbrella and 3 white shorts. It was fun there. I got the opportunity to look at the prices of good looking polos. Most of what I like costs more than 1,000. I have to think about buying it thrice. I also bought a new wallet because the wallet I have currently is worn out and I had it since 2nd year high school. The new wallet costs 100 pesos and I believe it won’t last a year.

I left the mall in a rainy night. The jeepney that I am in is very hot luckily I have my trusted handkerchief. I reached hopme at 6pm. I had arranged my things for my duty at Bangkal lying in clinic at 2pm. It would be a challenging day for me. I also watched, "Poseidon" in HBO. It was a good film but Titanic is better. Friendster is still down with my pictures and it is really getting on my nerves.

I will be sleeping at 10:15pm. I need to be awake at 3:30am to prepare my self physically for the morning duty. Have a good day guys for tomorrow!!

GOOD NIGHT!

I had a good day. I at least looked at this day as a special one and as I tell this to you I had recalled something in my life.

I woke very early for classes. I attended class at 8am and we had our quiz. I had 4 mistakes in our quiz which really bothers me. I let it pass away. We ended class at 9:35am. I with my friends go and eat at McDonalds. We were happy sharing our jokes and experiences to each other. I was also smiling and being my self. We also played jackstone in front of the IMCI courtesy of Jazier. At 12:15pm, we started playing "concentration." Sue had the most markings on the face followed by Arra and then me. I looked like a "Mr. Suave" at that point and the others were funny as well. We are challenged to go out side of the school to the other building with the markings on the face. Take note, those markings came from the mistakes we did in the game. I was laughing very loud with the others as we passed students and Mrs. Longganilla. When I reached the other building, I immediately got into the confort room and cleaned my face.

At 1pm, It was another class from Dr. Bautista. It was short and fast discussion. I was very sleepy and luckily I controlled my sleepiness very well. It ended at 2:45pm. It was a rainy afternoon when I left school with friend Arra De Rama. We are going to Bambang to buy things we do not have yet for our community health nursing bag. I was partially wet in the travel to bambang and was seriously tachycardic in the Light Railway Transit. It was cold and good. We reached Bambang at around 4pm. We bought all things from my list and after that we dined at Jolibee. It was a long way going there and despite the cold temperature embracing my body I was sweating profusely. We reached Jolibee at 4:30pm. Arra had her restroom break and so I am. I treat her with food espesifically cheeseburger. I ate burger steak with an extra rice. We left Jolibee at around 5pm. We took LRT once again and this time it was very crowded. Arra almost slept and miss the discharge site. It is a good thing that I awaken her in time. We reached the terminal of buses and I remembered my special someone. I felt sad immediately and wanting to go far as I could from that location. It reminds me of a separation that will took us a year. I said good bye to Arra as I got into the jeepney.

I reached Guadalupe at 6:00pm, I rode another jheepney on the way home. As I am in the jeep I cannot take off my mind about my special someone. Anyway, I returned home safe and sound at 6:35pm. I immediately cleaned my face and remove my wet uniform. We were informed that we will have a quiz for tomorrow. It is a very long review containing more than 50 slides. I have to memorize and understand every term in the hand out to maintain my grade. I started my reveiew after eating my dinner which is simply rice and toge. It was 8:30pm and I opened my hand outs. A lot of terms presented to me and I have to take it all. I wish I can memorize all of the informations in my head. Classes for tomorrow will start at 1pm.

Wish me luck for the quiz tomorrow and what ever happens it will not bother me that much. I cannot be perfect.

GOOD NIGHT!